Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to join Sidney Crosby and Alexander Ovechkin in holy matrimony. Wait, what? Elegy? Oh, my bad.

[With so many apologies to Walt Whitman and his estate and heirs. Please don't sue me...]

Oh Sidney! My Sidney! Your season's finally done! Your team has gone and screwed it up, your Cup will not be won. The end is near, the chants I hear, the people all boo-hooing. While Pensblog writes their final post, and waits for Autmun starting: But O tears! tears! tears!
O the saline drops of sad, where on the ice my Sidney lies, crying like a [rhymes with sad]
Oh Sidney, my Sidney! Rise up and shake their gloves. Rise up for you must shake their mitts for you are Bettman's love.

For you hat tricks and shady goals, for you the refs come running.
Malkin, Letang and Gonchar too, their dreams are left unfinished
Here Sidney! Dear Sidney!
You can't defeat Ovechkin!
I must have dreamed that in the first
You beat my team in 6.

My Sidney does not answer, his playoff beard is gone
My Sidney does not hear my boos, he just lets out a yawn
Sid is back at Mario's place, Wii fit ready to go
He tries his hand at tennis, to try and beat Boudreau

Exalt O fans, and sound the horn
for we are free at last
finally we know for sure
Hippo kicked your ass



Oh wait, eulogy? Crap. I thought you said elegy. Um, okay, so what can we say about the Pens this season.

In a season that saw the villainization of Sid the Kid, it seems only fitting that Crosby and the Pens should be taken down by Ovechkin, the NHL's new golden boy.

Starting the season without Gonchar was bad news for my fantasy team, but great news for my real team. Gonch is a freaking Flyers killer, and it was good to know we wouldn't have to see his round pasty face for a few months. (Gonchar's ugly mug doesn't scare me as much as Olli Jokinen's, but it's close.)

Flyers fans everywhere were delighted to see the Pens get off to a rocky start, and we drooled over the rumors of Michelle Therien's demise. Well I have a secret for you: it's not Bylsma that got you into the playoffs. It was Gonchar. Do the math. You boys will be grumbling about Paul Maurice's twin 18 months from now after you lose Gonch to injury or trade/free agency.

Rest in Peace Pens. See you on the links! (Pens fans love a good early golfing joke!)