Dear Jim Vandermeer,

Yes, I forgot to bring the eggs today to egg your car as you left the game. You got lucky. I won't forget to bring them to the San Jose game next week. If you wish to avoid having me throw eggs at your car as you leave, may I recommend one or more of the following options:

1. Get yourself traded. Before next Thursday, if possible.

2. Stop sucking. Maybe I need to be clearer about what "stop sucking" means:
*Don't pass the puck to players on the other team.
*Don't look like you are waiting for your shift to be over.
*Don't look at the puck like it is some alien life force that you have never encountered.
*And lastly, (and this is a big one) FUCKING HIT SOMEBODY! I saw you trying to take someone off the puck tonight, and you basically just skated near him waiting for him to pass the alien life force thingy to you. As you were doing this, Hartnell came out of nowhere to FUCKING HIT the guy. Um, hello, not sure if you know this or not, but you are a defenseman!

3. Play like you mean it. Please! You're sucking the life out of everyone around you.

Remember, the eggs will be there with me on Thursday, so step it up for crying out loud!

We interrupt this losing streak...

Perhaps a picture of gator will soothe my troubled mind.

Guys, please stop sucking! No, really. Also, please stop making ridiculous "comebacks" in the waning minutes of the third period unless you can really seal the deal.

The 4-3 score from last night (and the 4-3 Pens and Caps games) really gives those who didn't see the game a false impression. Someone who sees that the final was 4-3 might think that you played well in each game and just came up short. The reality is you played terribly in each game and managed to squeeze in some goals to make it look good.

Please stop sucking.

I don't mind if you lose a few more this month. Just look good doing it.

Maybe your plan is to get cold for February and then tear things up in March, just as the Devils and the Pens start to cool off? Let's hope that's your plan...